Being Loved

Since I was able to understand what love was, I searched for it. I was married at the time. I searched for love even though I thought love was supposed to be in my house. You can understand my confusion when my wife told me in one breath that she loved me and in the next told me she didn't know how to love me. So for years I buried my love deep down inside. I told myself that I wasn't worthy of my perfect love. I withdrew.

Over the years of my marriage I had multiple affairs searching for my perfect love. The affairs never ended in the love I was craving, the other women only ever wanted sex. I wanted total complete submission to love, they wanted hot casual sex. Don't get me wrong, I want hot sex too, but I want the deep love and passion and commitment. I am searching for a partner in all aspects of a relationship, not just for sex. The worst part was that after these women submitted to me they rejected me also. After these rejections I groveled my way back to the one person who showed me little love, but at least my dead shell of a man had a home to come back too. My exploits only compounded my prison of loneliness.

I would look at other relationships, couples who seemed happy, women who seemed loving, and wish I was their husband. I knew the kind of love I wanted, I wanted kissing, touching, caressing. I wanted to be my partner's champion. I wanted this person to look at me and say, "I Love You." I wanted someone to hold on to me at night and touch me while I slept. I kept all these desires buried deep inside until I couldn't take it anymore.

Recently I left my wife and family. My plan was to search for this unattainable love that I thought I would never find. For years I prayed for someone to love me. I just wanted to be cherished. I've had sex, I've had my wild times. I wanted a partner.

My lovely sweet Lord answers prayers. One day he put it in my heart to answer a cry for help. I helped a friend who I had not seen in many years. When I saw her I knew. I knew that this was my partner. The Lord made me understand how reluctant she would be, I had to open her heart. I had to be patient, wait for her to understand that I am trustworthy.

To my surprise the Lord was working on her heart to. She is perfect for me. She is my queen. She is my breath. She is my partner.

So, the moral to this story. No matter how long you suffer the Lord, never give up.
The Lord answers prayer.